His pubic hair was longer than his dick
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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