just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Randomize
