thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Farmville is her only friend.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
