I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
