Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
sex in a hospital.. check
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
