Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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