The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
