Need sex. Gaining weight.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
