I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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