Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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