Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
