I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
