i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
