where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
