If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
