I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Randomize
