she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
