I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
