Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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