if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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