So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
