you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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