I cannot find my penis.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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