did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
