For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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