"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
