"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
