walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
