I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
