physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Randomize
