Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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