Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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