Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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