I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize