Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize