I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I supernannyed him into submission
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
