come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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