the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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