Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
