I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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