i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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