i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize