This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
