these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
