He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
