the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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