At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You can't just leave with hair like that
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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