she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
