k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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