# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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