Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
