Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
