the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
