Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
