Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
