Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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