i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
