i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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