Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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