Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Randomize
