Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
