No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize