i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
