Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
