Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
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