have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
