he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
