how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
