Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
