The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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